Hey kids! What time is it??
We’re Ready, We’re Willing and We’re Able!
That’s right! It’s the first day of PORTMANIA 25! Natalie Portman turns 42 this Friday. And so, I bring you another PORTMANIA!! A five day celebration of Natalie Portman herself!
The first PORTMANIA was in the YEAR 2000!!! and Natalie was 19 years old. and now after 23 years and 25 PORTMANIAS (we got a little crazy one year and had two PORTMANIAS! IT WAS THE 90s!) (Oh, wait. No, it wasn’t. It was the 2000s) (It still felt like the 90s, though. This was before 9/11) I can’t remember where I was going with this, but after all that time, here we are now, entertain us.
Is there anyone out there that have been here for all 24 earlier PORTMANIAS? I generally apologize for all, especially apologize for most, and intensely apologize for some!
But now, it’s a start of a whole new week to apologize for. And I’m sorry I brought up 9/11!!!!!
What else should I be? ALL APOLOGIES! Two Nirvana songs in one PORTMANIA UPDATE?!!? Maybe it IS the 90s!
Anyway, we’re gonna have a week full of WONDER and MAGIC and Other Stupid Stuff!
So, Join us, won’t you?
We’ll start today with a Natalie Portman FACT! (WARNING! Natalie Facts contain Gluten and are high in STARCH!)
Natalie FACT: Every few years Natalie has to hibernate for 6 months to rejuvenate her mind AND soul. And you may be wondering “How does she avoid Hibernation Sickness like Han Solo got in Return of the Jedi?” GOOD QUESTION.
Well, first of all, Han Solo was in hibernation for something like a year in Carbonite. Natalie only does about 6 months. And, second, he didn’t really have time to prepare. Darth Vader showed up, tortured him and dropped him in that pit all in the same afternoon. But, in the days before she hibernates, Natalie drinks and eats enough food and water to avoid hibernation sickness! SHE’S A PRO.
Here is PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!
And you come out looking like this:
Ooooohhhh!! Now, that’s some good hibernation!
That brings us to the end of Day 1! But that’s not all!! We’ll really get started tomorrow. And then we’re gonna go straight downhill! So, stay tuned all week for the love, repressed rage, and uncontrollable crying that we call PORTMANIA!!! it’s stupid but it’s free!
PORTMANIA FOR ALL!!
